As I sit here I think back on my marriage.  A little reflecting if you will.  We have had ups and downs as any couple would.  Not everything is ever easy.  I love him more then anything ever.  Altho, sadly it may now not be enough to save US.  All I can do is pray every night that we can get through this, not just four our babies to have both parents under one roof, but also because I LOVE this man.  However, I am a strong person so I CAN make it if I have to, on my own.  Anyway, this weekend is tough.  I've done fun things with the kids, but I won't lie my mind has drifted and is scared.  Its like reaching my hand out in the darkness for someone to grab on and say grab hold everything will be okay, when in reality nothing is there.. The above picture is only one of a very few of us together. Our wedding picture hangs on the wall and we look so happy.  I was!! Wore out but happy :) lol.  We went on to have 2 beautiful boys.. our first one 5yrs into the marriage, by choice.  I know when I look at all we went through its amazing.  The loss of a pregnancy, my father inlaw's surgery scare, my grandpa passing (2 of em), my loving father inlaw being sent away.  THAT is probably the hardest one, coming after his dad's surgery scare and I have been quite a rock for this handsome man.  As he has me. Our latest endeavor: weight loss exercise etc.   My mom wasn't an easy blow but oh well I can't change her.. just me.  I shall end this with a poem I've just written.

"My Heart"

You are my Heart..

the other half

as you see the kids have half too.

You are my best friend, 

knowing me in ways

no one else does. 

You can speak things I'm thinking

there's a word for that..

soulmates. 

I feel complete 

in your arms.

Snuggled tight and praying

you never let go. 

In my heart you forever be

the laughs the hugs

the tears and our babies

and memories to last years.

  

ughhh,,,,yay?

*yawn!* what an evening! Shorthanded yet again. Thinking this is pretty typical but hoping for improvement. I survived tho! ;) and better yet I have the weekend off so that's my YAY!! :) For being short handed we did a pretty good job of getting things cleaned up. Sure do hear a lot of one's marital issues but I guess that's what "da family" is for! ;) Walmart family haha.

My kiddos are doing awesome. (Them in pic at left on Grandpa's boat this past July..Table Rock Lake) Robert busy with school, and Daxton he's so sweet! He told me today "i go work"I said really? he said "i go work you don't work".. seems he'll make a woman real happy with that line someday!! I'm glad I get the weekend to spend with them. Esp Robert as I don't see him nearly enough as these days its taking him to school then picking him up and heading straight for walmart and handing off to daddy so I can go to work. I tend to be babbling so going to head to bed. On the up side I feel good. My cold is finally going away. Nice to go to bed without shooting my nose up with afrin. :)8

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Yep that's right! Happy Halloween my friends! Even tho its almost over. lol Above are my two Trick or Treaters. Daddy took them this year which is a good thing and I'm quite proud of all he is doing with the boys! Funny it took me getting a job for him to become and learn that its not as EASY as it might look to be a single parent! :) Anyway Love all my guys. They got lots of candy so did a good job I'd say. Robert brought home a brown sack full of stuff he got at his halloween party at school. I got a scolding for not showing up to his party too lol. I asked "so were a lot of parents there?" and he says back "yea but you weren't there!" LOL OOPS guess I need to get that done but hey I had stuff to catch up on here at home today so I skipped. I did the pumpkin patch so i did something at least and I promise to do Xmas! :) That's a bigger party. Really about it for tonight. I worked a 4 hr shift and got stuck with the full rotisserie what fun that was! I didn't get the top one's parts washed and put back together but hey I was trying to serve hot food too so oh well!! Oh and cover a lunch! Never a dull moment at work! ;). Well gonna sign off for the night. Kiddos are sound asleep and will both head to school in the morning and mommy to the dr to get something to help get rid of my cold. I'd let it keep sliding along but my ear is full and bugging me. Hurts sometimes. Amazing its not bothered me in quite a few yrs which it still isn't quite the PAIN it was as a child. WHEW! Anyway Peace and God's Blessings to all....

Spark Lost.....or is it ;)

Yep that's the Walmart spark! LOL do ya got it? I do! haha.. altho after tonight who knows.. It was stressful and tired. Short handed is the best word.. We all pulled together and managed. Afterall I was pretty proud of myself for mastering putting the whole rotisserie back together well my half.. I'd had help until tonight and I managed!! WOOHO!! Admittedly there's a couple that could work harder one in particular could learn to do more then just what HE wants to do. Anyway... on with it.

Other news.. happy to say my mom is home from a 30 day stint in rehab. A blessing!! she's done wonderfully and continuing her steps to keeping the success of sobriety going. She's my every inspiration.

Christmas shopping is another thing I've been up to.. or should I say Christmas surfing LOL!! Looking and getting ideas online to go with what I have in mind. Got a mobigo in mind for Daxton and Robert I can't decide if v.reader or innotab is the way to go. All Vtech brand toys. A chalkboard of some sort probably on an easel so they can draw with chalk indoors on really cold winter days. Yep Arkansas gets cold winter days! Not many but we do get em. Movies, candy, stuffed angry birds, a few ideas for stockings. Hubby I still have to figure out yet. Ask ME what my biggest christmas blessing would be.. actually the whole family's not to mention John the most and our boys.. His DAD freed from prison. Please God be with us! :) Going to enjoy a day off tomorrow! ;) Peace be with you!

Fresh new Start on a blog :)

Starting fresh.. we'll see how long I can keep this going! hehe.

Life isn't too exciting lately. Hubby working his good ol Windstream job and and I am working at Walmart in the deli. I do enjoy my job for the most part. I feel quite fortunate that someone wanted me for the hours I was available saving me the stress of daycare. I really don't care for daycare anyway! My babies are fortunate in that they are with me around the day time and off to Daddy of an evening.

My work.. tonight was fun but stressful. One girl I'm not sure has all her marbles in a row but is a hard worker. Tomorrow will be a giant pain or I guess today now. JUST TWO OF US working tomorrow from 6pm on.. get a lunch? wth is that?! haha jk I'm sure we will somehow. The two of us agreed to NOT call in or we'd hunt the other down lol. Different person did scheduling this whole week so its been made a giant mess as is. LOTS of people off tomorrow is SO NOT of help. ;) Well better head to bed.. here's my beginning start! ;)

HAVE A SAFE HALLOWEEN WEEKEND EVERYONE!