As I sit here I think back on my marriage.  A little reflecting if you will.  We have had ups and downs as any couple would.  Not everything is ever easy.  I love him more then anything ever.  Altho, sadly it may now not be enough to save US.  All I can do is pray every night that we can get through this, not just four our babies to have both parents under one roof, but also because I LOVE this man.  However, I am a strong person so I CAN make it if I have to, on my own.  Anyway, this weekend is tough.  I've done fun things with the kids, but I won't lie my mind has drifted and is scared.  Its like reaching my hand out in the darkness for someone to grab on and say grab hold everything will be okay, when in reality nothing is there.. The above picture is only one of a very few of us together. Our wedding picture hangs on the wall and we look so happy.  I was!! Wore out but happy :) lol.  We went on to have 2 beautiful boys.. our first one 5yrs into the marriage, by choice.  I know when I look at all we went through its amazing.  The loss of a pregnancy, my father inlaw's surgery scare, my grandpa passing (2 of em), my loving father inlaw being sent away.  THAT is probably the hardest one, coming after his dad's surgery scare and I have been quite a rock for this handsome man.  As he has me. Our latest endeavor: weight loss exercise etc.   My mom wasn't an easy blow but oh well I can't change her.. just me.  I shall end this with a poem I've just written.

"My Heart"

You are my Heart..

the other half

as you see the kids have half too.

You are my best friend, 

knowing me in ways

no one else does. 

You can speak things I'm thinking

there's a word for that..

soulmates. 

I feel complete 

in your arms.

Snuggled tight and praying

you never let go. 

In my heart you forever be

the laughs the hugs

the tears and our babies

and memories to last years.